Compulsive Obsessive Disorder or COD?

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PSS Deat mask, photo by Clemens VermeulenThat is what I am told I suffer from by some Corrective Obsessive People. COP's. Cod liver oil., to them! So out of pure frustration I have a cigarette. But I'll give up soon, I hope.

Nothing strange about me but I do like order in my life.

Surely most people like to see an egg yellow, bright red and Royal blue car on their morning walks. And on my midday walk I like to see them again, in case I forgot to register them in my subconsciousness. Red, yellow, blue, yellow, red, blue, blue, yellow, red. Preferably in that order but that doesn't happen too often. And during the walks I give up cigarettes forever. I haven't got them on me anyway!Kissable. Photo by Clemens Vermeulen

After anything in my mouth, be it coffee or a slice of cake, even a cigarette, I rinse my mouth. My father-in-law was a dentist and he told me to do that. I still have all my teeth and am twice the age of JC when he died on the cross.

I rinse maybe 30 times a day.

I scrub myself with a very hard woven bit of cloth when showering and like to wet my face a few times a day. To get rid of the dust that settled in my wrinkles.

It is another thing when I prepare to go to my most beloved Dream world.

Buddha with smoking buddy. Photo by Paul Bakker.First of course I brush my teeth, wash my hands with handmade coconut oil soap and every other day have a shave. And just one more puff.

Then I sweep the floor in my bedroom after having wiped off the sand and 'what nots' deposited by the dogs on my bed and under my feet.. ONE sand granule and I can feel it. And I hide the lighter under my pillow. In case I find it.

Have a pee, in a bed pot as I don't want to wake up the family during the night, open my bedroom door 10 cm, cross myself and ask What Ever, whilst peeing, to look after all my beloved Planet people and mumble a list of names to be remembered. I have 9 nephews and nieces, one brother and two sisters and friends in Australia and West Europe and one in my head; my Alter Ego. Thank for the health of our two dogs and mine too, 'Thank you Sir/Madame.' It is a bit of a long list. Toes with ciggie. Photo by Paul Bakker.

Then I hop in bed, naked, cannot sleep with pants on, but have always the same light blue thin half torn sheet to separate the warm body parts from each other. Oh, alright then, the very very last one. Where is that lighter. Oh yes, of course....

So far I do what every body else does in this world, I imagine.

Place my torch on the floor next to my bed and switch the light off. Before I empty the ash tray I count my siggies. Shit, I am being so honest I deserve one more before I go to sleep.

In the darkness I see nothing but one thing. My digital clock. Bright red numbers. I look at it, and say it shows me it is 12.03. So I MUST keep looking at it 'till it goes to 12.04. So now I can prepare for the journey to the Dream world. And create myself another little red light just before the drowsiness sets in..

No, no, not so, because then I remember I didn't put my nose drops next to me on the floor so get up, switch the light on, after closing the door so the others wont be pestered by the light, find the dreaded Otrivine, wipe my feet, open the door again 10 cm and switch the light off again and in bed I see it is now 12.07, so naturally I must wait 'till it is 12.08 . Dan neem ik nog een sigaretje.(Dutch)

PSS Blue Face. Photo by Clemens Vermeulen.Pull the light blue sheet over me and think: Shit, I might need another pee. So get up, switch the light on after closing the door, do what I can, wipe my feet, hop on my bed, adjust the blue sheet and obviously after switching off the light I see the bright red numbers. Now it reads 12.12 so patiently wait for the 3 to appear and start on my journey. Again.

Then I need a sip of water and my glass is on my computer table on a few sheets of paper to keep those bloody ants away. Get up, have a sip after checking if any ants got in anyway, wipe my feet and hop in bed. Look for my packet. Switch the light off and that bloody red huge digital shit thing reads 12. 17. Then, thank God, 12.18.

Anyway, at 1.30 a.m. I go to sleep. After on more you know what.

I started a campaign called the SPS, Stop Paul Smoking.

Is this COD or COP or not?



Ther's only one who can do that.